Kind of a strange entry...

Induced happiness...heightened awareness? Hm. I don't really know what it was, but it took me whatever it was to understand how deep my love goes. Perhaps it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have done it. And the happiness and excitement were clearly, clearly not pure. But the things that I've understood, epiphanized during these experiences (mostly in the past), I feel, are very true and very real. Once upon a time it made me see that there was (or should be) more to life than academic/financial success...that happiness is possible always. Now, I see how much Daniel has stuck by me. I am not an easy person...I can be a bitch. I slap. I say hurtful things. I cry a lot. I'm controlling. I am really frickin crazy sometimes...but he always sticks by me and always wants the best for me regardless. I don't know why I only realize this now. The rest of it I can't really even put into words...the way he looked at me that night...the same way he looks at me everyday...I could see the love...but I never noticed it before. I don't think I ever believed that he really loved me all that much before this. I don't really know why he sticks by me. Anyways, hopefully these experiences are done for awhile, as eye-opening as they are...hrm.

these lies dance between my lips.

shhh i'm trying to write again